Corporate Shame via Flying Squirrel at The Swamp

I was hired by a large corporate entity to promote their product by wearing a flying squirrel so large that it required two people to operate. To explain: one person wears the 'head and front arms' portion, the body extends in a roughly 40 foot flat, furry stretch of fabric, and the second person makes up the 'tail and floppy back legs'. I made up the back end of the costume and (I think) my friend Karl made up the front end. We were supposed to go around a large sporting event supporting whatever product giant flying squirrels naturally promote with their presence and no signage.

We were running around a grassy(?) tail-gating event - small but still embarrassing for me - and I remember being thankful that's all we had to do. I remember shouting as we came to the far end of the tailgating near the stadium "I am glad this is over soon", when Karl shouted, "What are you talking about? We haven't hit the stadium yet." As we approached the stadium I realized we were at the top of a MASSIVE grassy hill and the actual stadium was at the bottom of the hill. There were people EVERYWHERE, but there was a nice open path for us to run down the hill. I suppose this would have looked pretty cool from the stands and made the squirrel look like it was actually flying.

So, we started running down the hill. We made it on the jumbo-tron and all in all it was not as embarrassing as it could have been. We also ended up sitting on the sidelines of the game. This is when I realized that we were actually at The Swamp watching Oregon State play the Gators. I remember the announcer asking over the PA for Oregon fans to cheer and it was very quiet. I also remember Oregon State botching the kick-off and Florida getting the ball at their 30, so I guess I wasn't the one having the bad day after all.

Zombie Escape, Friendly Larceny, and Mundane Tidbits

Sorry for the delay in posting for anyone who may have once read this. Being unemployed certainly does give one more time for writing, but I did not take into account my general anxiety levels seem to absolutely crush my motivation. My recent break from writing was because my dreams seemed to be fairly mundane: obvious reflections on my days events with little mystery or bravado. For example: I was playing Magic the Gathering on my computer; I was making dinner; I was drinking coffee at a shop. I did have one interesting, and possibly telling, zombie apocalypse dream. The part of the 'zombie attack' that I remember is minimal - but I got away. First time I can say that has happened in any 'pursuit' dream I can recall. I also drove away from the main zombie-infestation area in a bright red convertible. Equally awesome. I stopped and managed to break into my friend Seth's artfully dilapidated apartment, return a broom that I 'borrowed' from him earlier in a similar manner, 'borrow' something else, and then narrowly escape through a window right as he got home. I got a hysterical rush out of this.

OLD: Diving from Robots in Scotland

This is from a dream journal I kept in high school. It is one of my favorites and though it was not a nightmare, it really messed up my day:

I was traveling over bright green, rolling hills with a close childhood friend Jake. The grass was very long and rolling in the wind. We reached the edge of a ridge with a high cliff at the end. At the bottom of the cliff were more rolling hills. Off to the side of us was a cliff that was slightly lower. On that cliff were a few other people, though the only notable person was someone I went to middle school with named Brad N. They were running up to the edge of the cliff, looking around to see if they were spotted, and then swan diving off the cliff.

I was confused. Jake explained that 'he must be close'. I did not know whom 'He' was. The floor behind us had a hidden platform elevator in it and He rose up behind us. I did not know who He was still, but Jake and I both sensed him and dove off the cliff. I remember hitting the ground face first. I woke up.

Radio Free Portland: Posterior Terrorism

David, illustrator and co-owner of über-blog Doodles MAXIMUM, approached me with an idea to blow up a radio tower in Portland, OR. It sounded like an intriguing idea, and he convinced me by explaining that he and a girl(?) blew one up yesterday and it was totally awesome. David, another friend named Adam - whom I believe was the 'technical guru' in this scenario - and I approached the red, skeletal radio tower on a strangely round and grassy hill that overlooked the downtown Portland area. For some reason we set the explosives near the top of the tower, and while we walked away Adam exclaimed the smoke could be seen 'from 75 miles away' even before the explosion. I remember the tower blowing up, and the ensuing panic to get away before anyone saw me there. David and Adam decided to drive home and play video games. Their house looked a lot like my house. I could hear them playing games and laughing in my house, and was puzzled as to why they were not worried. I decided to go jogging to create a few alibis. I don't jog while conscious.

I set off for downtown and stopped in at a retail store for fireplaces. I realized after about five seconds that no one would go fireplace shopping in running clothes, so when I was approach by a sales associate I said I was 'just browsing' and left.

I then decided I should go to a dorm. My girlfriend did not exist in this world where I blew up radio towers, so I thought I would visit some girl I knew. I don't know this girl in real life, but she had red hair. I thought we were flirting fine, but things got weird when she was a little too interested in my posterior. I kept telling her I was not interested in that sort of stuff but she kept telling me it was cool and I'd dig it. I promised I wouldn't. By this time I was much more concerned with my butt than my freedom.

My real life girlfriend woke me up and I thanked her for never wanting to go there. She rightfully laughed at me.

Bros Before Books

I was in a high school English class with my friend Jon K. that was being taught by David Schwimmer. Jon was writing between the margins of the 'in-class use' books - as in using them like notebook paper - and putting them back on the shelf. When Mr. Schwimmer found out he freaked out and had certain trusted class members - former high school classmates Annie K and Christina B. - write a "Who and Why" explanation on the chalk board and they both accused me because they think I'm an asshole. The rest of the class agreed I probably did it. I was shocked because I didn't know so many people didn't like me.

I proved it wasn't me by comparing my writing to the writing in the books. No one could deny my handwriting was very different. I was happy to be off the hook, but I knew Jon was getting closer to being caught. He was quiet in class though, and I did not think anyone would tattle on him.